i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize