Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
