Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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