Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
