Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
where are you?
Hypothermia
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
