I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
