I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
