The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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