Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
