if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
