I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
