And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
