You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
