my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
