Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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