last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
