I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
