this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He felt like a one man threesome
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He literally asked permission to hit on me
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
