if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
When did angry sex become our thing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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