So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
