At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize