I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
