my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
So many bounce houses so little time
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
