that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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