well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she pinky promised me she was 18
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
