Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
