True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
