I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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