When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
