Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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