well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
