I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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