Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
