Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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