Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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