He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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