I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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