he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Randomize
