I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
