oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
