Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
vagina is talking i cant
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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