I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
