did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
