This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
