What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is my gift to your gina
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
