she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm having to shit out rocks
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