You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
