oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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