# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize