I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
