If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
