Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
