listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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