I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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