i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
