remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
