No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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