question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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