I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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