I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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