i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
