Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
