Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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