Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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