One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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