You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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