He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
