Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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