rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
