so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
