my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We had to coat check the pizza.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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