Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
