I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
